A few weeks ago we had to submit our annual Performance Appraisal Forms (PAF). This 9 paged form is the company’s tool for evaluating it’s employees and would therefore be the basis of pretty much everything for you–salary upgrades, trainings, benefits etc. Because we are more than 50 in the department, we were strictly advised to accomplish it and submit it on or before the given deadline. The evaluations will be reviewed by your boss, he or she will then discuss it with you and once you have finally reached an agreement, a grade will be given and the form will be signed.–not just by your immediate boss but by the Head of the Department as well.
Last friday I was asked by my male boss (I have 2–the other boss is female) to bring something in for him during a meeting at our conference room. As I entered and made my way towards him, I realized that the names and numbers projected on the screen were all our names and the grades that were given to us. Each employee was being talked about. They were not discussing me at the time but it just felt weird being there while it was all happening.
This morning I was called by our Admin. Head to her office. She handed me back my PAF and told me to make the necessary revisions. Apparently, my score had changed (based on the meeting I walked into last friday). It wasn’t a bad thing–the score changing–but as I was making the revisions they had made I can’t help but recall what I had seen on the projector screen: NAME = NUMBER. Within the confines of this giant corporation, you are a number… a statistic…a grade written at the end and bottom of a 9 paged form.
I guess I’m writing this because I’m also reminded by what a friend of mine wrote recently about how at her workplace, employees are judged by which university they graduated from…how you’re only good enough if you came from the so-called “Big 3″–or the Top 3 schools in the country. I’m not really sure if what I’m sharing about the form has some sort of connection with her story…I’m just randomly typing away here so my apologies if there doesn’t seem to be any common denominator between them.
Don’t get me wrong…the bosses here are nice as far as I could tell, but sometimes it just gets me thinking–can they really see me? Do they look at me and see past my job title or am I just somebody’s assistant to them? I wonder if they ever realize that I have some sort of life outside the evil empire? (note: I’m a Star Wars fan so I’m using it as an affectionate term, ok?) I wish they would know that I love music and books and movies.
I know that the evaluation is necessary. I’m not against it. It’s just weird to me that it takes a while for me to describe myself to someone sometimes…but a few pieces of paper can readily tell my employers who I am or what I’m worth…well, at least numerically.
Like I said, I’m randomly typing away here. I just hope that we don’t judge so easily…or quantify absolutely. I just hope that we accept freely…that we’ll all get a chance to shine and grow. Lord knows being in the corporate world is tough enough as it is already.
image property of www.dilbert.com
I had the same feeling when I was looking for work while unemployed/underemployed for most of 2009 and 2010. While working odd jobs, I searched for a “real” job and the process was somewhat dehumanizing.Most businesses use online applications and some have online test that you to take to see if you are a “fit” for them. I wrote a post about it called “Impersonal As It Comes” just to feel like a person again because we are more than numbers. Great post!
I remember our Annual Performance Review on the “old office” where G and the rest of the gang still works. Like you, that is also one of my most hated part of being in that company, especially since my boss has a way changing my scores (then) ALL THE FREAKING TIME to reflect her demented point of view.
Anyway, the best thing to do maybe is to always remember that we are more than numbers and a cumulative average. You, Fizzy, is definitely more than the graded point average, based on whatever LIMITED view your bosses may give you. You are a person–multifaceted. unique. interesting. It’s their loss if they won’t be able to see beyond the grade.